A Monologue

I like cars as much as the next guy but that's not really true because I live in rural Iowa and everyone is a verified car expert but me. Either way the only three things, I know what to do: pump gas, turn the car on and brag about, how my car has V8.

I like how driving cars is usually civilized, but the second one of us hits the highway, it's an all-out war. I was driving on the interstate, when I saw a minivan, passing people left in right. This wasn't your usually minivan, it was flashing gold rims and was blaring rap music. I was thinking, “not going to get passed by a ghetto van today”. So I sped up and I was going like 90 mph down the interstate but then people started to pull over to side. Then out of nowhere the minivan got pulled over because he was speeding right behind me. The lesson is always be in front and don’t drive a vehicle with gold rims. Also having a car what looks exactly like a cop car doesn’t hurt in a high speed minivan race.

I am weird when it comes to parking. I can park somewhat decent if I park with two cars by me, and, I can do it just fine. If I got no cars by me for scale, then my parking job is going to be terrible. I can parallel park quite well. The the only reason, I passed Drivers Ed, is because I aced the parallel parking portion which counted for 40%. I even got a sarcastic award for "best parking job". I don't want to brag but that's a pretty prestigious award.

My mom always bragged about how my older brother and sister could change a tire at the age of eight. It’s not that I don’t understand how, I am just not coordinated to do it. Tires are from a distant land. Sure wheels were invented by cave men, but I have never seen one change a tire.

Also on the subject of tires. I was driving down the road when my tire popped. I knew immediately something was wrong. I drove to my brother’s house and told him what had happen. He told me to figure it out. Now, it was like negative ten degrees outside because it’s winter in Iowa. So I was sitting out there digging out my car out of the snow. When I pulled out this wrench thing. He told me that this is what I needed, to undo the lug nuts. I said what lug nuts are. He proceeded to go on a rant, for about 5 minutes about how our generation doesn’t pay attention. I don’t know 100% of what he said but it started to blank out for me. He said that I needed a jack and I said like a Lawrence, he didn’t get it? I tried jacking the cop car up but it was buried in a bunch of snow. I eventually just went back inside. Where Zander gave me some Yoda advice, on how to change a tire but I failed, epically. Also trying to get a jack in the right place is really hard, I don’t care who you are, it’s still impossible. After two hours I gave up and ended up passing out on his couch. I then proceeded to have a scary dream of car tires rolling after me and eating me with their rim mouth. I woke up to find that the tire was changed with a post it note on it. It said “You only get lucky once punk” –Zander.  This taught me that as long as you are completely incompetent at doing something, your awesome brother who is coordinated will come and save you. The real lesson is here, is be nice to your brother.

Driving has its downfalls other. Like when you just want eat that last piece of pizza from Casey’s while driving and shouldn’t but you do it anyway. You get all of the dirty looks in the world, especially in a cop car. It’s really bad if you get in a crash and you are totally going to get blamed. It’s fair, but come on bro, do you not smell that “mazing” pizza sure is it going to kill me twenty years from diabetes but it’s the best to me on this planet. So sorry I rammed into your Prius but maybe if you didn’t buy a car that runs on the samething my Xbox does, we wouldn’t be having this issue. The key in this scenario is two hope it’s an out-of-towner and then give him that fake insurance you printed off week ago from that sketchy website that Craig from accounting sent you too.

The morale of story is that, just because you’re not a car guy doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the two ton mechanical horse we drive. We have fun with our cars whether were going fast or listening to tunes. We love are cars no matter the shape or the form. We wouldn’t be in the 21^st century without them. Thanks Cars!

Steam Team Obesity

The year is 2085. The world is a dark and morbid place, or should I say a morbidly obese place. You see our technology has advanced so much with robots and entertainment that no one moves anymore, after the zombie apocalypse of 2081. We have a one world government. This one government has no rules against monopolies so the McDonald's Corporation supplies the world’s food. The leader of this government is Ronald Machouse. He has set up a base in Greenland where he lives in a ice cube Fortress. The main area where people live is in Great Britain.  Machouse  rules with a iron fist, and no one is there to really stop him but one team.

There is a resistance a elite unit called Seal Team Obesity. There were five of them Biggs, Trap, Flop, Brock and me Mcbigity.

                                                                                                                                              

We were the survivors of Zombie apocalypse of 2081. We were trained by United States government to be a unstoppable force. Our unit was on the front lines with the rest of the Rangers. It was a bad deal there. So many Zombies were coming at us, it took only minutes for the line to fail. After I noticed that all hope was for the rest ranges, I instructed Briggs to open a man hole that was about a mile away. It took him over four hours to waddle there. At this point the guys were getting hungry so they started eating dead bodies of people what were in unrelated incidents with shipping containers. I saw a horde of zombies burst threw the wall, Briggs radioed to me that the man hole was open. We ending up rolling are way to safety. In the nastiness of what you call a sewer, Flop heard through the radio chatter that the breakout had been caused by a Big Mac. We had always known McDonald's was up to something especially after they bought chemical warfare company Blackwater. The Squad went through the sewers until they hit a brown fall, if you know what I mean. We ending up sending Flop up a sewer man hole but Flop got suck. Trap and I started rubbing fecal water and he fell right. The Squad Was all grossed out at this point. Biggs ended up planting bombs on the inside of the man hole. This caused a massive explosion that caused a huge hole to be there (where a man hole was). I waited about 30 seconds until I started moving forward. Then all of sudden, zombies started pouring in by dozens. I felt like we were in there for days, eventually Zombies stopped coming. Flop started to climb out of the man hole but Flop fell back in hole. Get it ;)         We were in a rural area. All you could see for miles was smoke, fires, undead and the occasional siren. Trap started saying words I can repeat in a school paper. Biggs tried to calm him down but trap was obviously gone for a while. Who could blame him? I heard a week later that U.S had fallen. The Squad waddled Their way to base. It took four years. The whole team had grown beards at this point. Brock was a studly fat guy. He broke open the gate. At this point Our team needed to get to the White House to talk to Bill Clinton Jr, who is the 120th president. I was hoping for some answers or maybe if there had been contact from the Avengers.

We found helicopter, the cargo one specifically. Our team couldn't fit in a normal one. We have to hook up the crew with zip line wires. We drove to White House that was burnt to the ground. There was a tunnel, though. We oiled up Flop and sent him down a tunnel. He later found Bill Clinton Jr was fight Hillary Clinton his mom. She was referred to as Godzilla in Japan. Either way, he said that McDonald's had taken over the world or what was left. So we rode in are cargo helicopter to Greenland. Greenland is a frozen ice cube with MacDonald’s fortress that was in the middle. Seal Team Obesity had a fart to heat converter. They spent two months of non stop farting and got their way to middle of the cube. Then they had to break into the fort. So he planted the bombs on the walls and broke through but then thousands of Ronald McDonalds showed up and captured them. They captured us, they put us in separate rooms. I was chained up, I had Twinkie in my pocket. I tweaked on the wall until it, fell out but then Machouse came in. Then said nice to meet you Mcbigity I thought you would died already. Mcbigity panting at this point said you..........su.........ck......... He then thrustered out of chains and stabbed Machouse with the sacred Twinkie, he got from Han Solo. Machouse jokes on you I can see the future and I turned everyone into creatures. Then a bomb went off and everyone turned into dinosaurs, wait what?

               

 

The bomb to destroy them all

            When the U.S started to fund the Manhattan project (1942). They had no idea what to expect. The Manhattan project to a normal person sounds like a crazy idea. Like come on, your telling me if I spilt an atom and it's going to cause a colossal explosion, more than typical bomb?We'll this was fact to the highest degree. The nuclear bomb was by far the strongest bomb in world by 1945. It was lucky that scientists in Manhattan project didn't blow the United States up.

 

The reason I take the stance I do is that Nuclear bombs are just plain terrible. My first beef is that when you drop a nuke you’re more than likely to kill innocent civilians (just because of its destructive power) and another thing there is no reason that the kids who didn’t know who or what U.S is should be wiped out of the face of existence. It’s really easy if you’re American to make jokes or say we had to but think about all those poor innocent people just gone, they had lives and stories. I felt very differently when starting this assignment. I know Japanese were going to fight till end but I’d rather kill 400,000 soldiers than children and women. Just think of that happened in Iowa and we were on losing side of the war. If a nuclear bomb was dropped on Iowa City on a normal day. My mom and my uncle would die. Now think if you lost family in a nuke. You think nuclear bombs would appear as much in popular culture if U.S city was attacked. I play videogames frequently and I have played call of duty modern warfare and Battlefield 3 what both feature a nuclear explosion going off. I don’t think that would be “ok” of 9/11 would have been a Nuke going off in New York City. Ironically when modern warfare 2 came out, it cause an uproar because it had an Airport shooting and people are very sensitive about a terror act what happen in an airport setting. It’s hard even to comprehend the number 400,000 let alone have that many people die. I don’t know what is  more terrible the loss in life or that they didn’t know it was even coming.

Here are a couple of reasons that nukes didn't have to be dropped.  My first reason is that japan was already up to their neck with U.S troops and with Germany destroyed this would’ve opened Russia to get a quick land grab and to fight side by side with U.S. The next reason would be that they could've just simply could've shown it to the Japanese, I think they would’ve backed off if they would’ve seen a 3 mile wide mushroom cloud and 11 miles tall mushroom cloud . Another reason is that it cost 24 billion dollars (adjusted for inflation). Think all of schools what could’ve been built and all the wasted tax payer dollars. Another reason is that this is America and we should never take the easy way out and using nuclear bomb is the easy way out. Another reason this is bad is that it kicked off the Cold War and it caused the  world to turn into uncertainty. It also caused every kid In the 50s to be paranoid that a nuke was going hit small town, middle of nowhere. Cold War also caused nukes to get more lethal and there are approximately 4,300 nukes armed and ready to go in a moment’s notice. The last case I have to make not to drop the bombs is that just think of 400,000 civilians what died in Nagasaki and Hiroshima. In a blink of an eye a population worthy 10% of Iowa just gone. They were school teachers, nurses and children just gone for what, some petty war.

-William Townsend

Complex numbers

Complex numbers are used in Quantum mechanics , Video games and engineering.  Either way Complex number are a important part, of todays  society and are important to the 21^st century. What are Complex numbers  well they are numbers that can’t  be given a numerical sign but a alternative sign such as I but to fully understand complex numbers we need to go to their origins. The godfather of complex numbers is Gerolamo Cardano and Raffael Bombelli was the mathematician what came up with rules of multiplication…… for complex numbers

Batman V. Beowulf

How do you compare these legends of pop culture that literally have thousands of stories about them. Well we going to try are best to go in depth.

                Well time periods would be a good place to start. So if you look at Beowulf it takes place in a mythical universe, I would like to think that he would be in the middle ages. Whereas Batman (the Christopher Nolan Trilogy ia the basis of this paper because it’s the greatest rendition of batman). Another difference is that Beowulf has super powers whereas batman has none but  he is trained and has technology. I think there both smart in their own ways such as Beowulf is wiser and Batman uses more of smart tactical approach where as Beowulf goes more of a gun blazing approach and figures out as he goes. Batman also has emotional baggage with parents and Rachel dying and Beowulf really doesn’t seem to have any real problems. I think at their core trying to do the same thing defeat “monsters” that harm people. The one big difference is Beowulf has more of a mercenary vipe where if Russians have a problem then Beowulf will get a boat and go there with his best 14 men and then about half of them will die and then Beowulf might feel like doing something. Where Batman pretty locked down in Gotham. You could debate what strategy is better because Gotham is going to be safe but Chicago is going to pretty rough or in Beowulf he will go back in fourth.  There fighting styles are very different In the way that Beowulf fights a mano a mano (aka when he’s naked) and Batman fights with every gun known to man and is Bricked out in armor.

                I think both heroes are cool in their own respects. I think Beowulf is cool because he likes fighting on a level playing field and batman is a normal human being and I think that makes him more admirable.

The Virginia plan

James Madison was born 1751 (Virginia). He would later attend Princeton. After that he was called to battle and served as colonel in the revolutionary war. After the war, it was time to build a country, so they enlisted the help of Madison and he wrote the bill of rights and is considered the father of bill of rights because author wasn’t cool enough. Some other important things to note is that, he was sectary of state during Louisiana purchase. He later became president of united states. He also was the president during the War of 1812 or what I like to call it the “revolutionary war 2”. Now to get back on topic He also had a huge say constitutional  convention what this paper is about.

The Virginia plan is basically summed up by the current House of Representatives system where population is determining factor when comes to how many representatives you get. This was proposed by the bigger states for obvious reasons(mostly so they Would have more power). Now smaller states proposed the New Jersey plan what had equal representation for each state regardless of population. The Virginia plan had three branches of Government and they were same as ares, Judicial , legislative and executive. Now the two Legislator house are interesting because one is elected by the people and other one is selected by the other house. They also have a President in this system but he can only be elected one term. This plan also haves the revision council what bills and laws go through. I actually really like this idea because we could higher super intelligent foreigners who could look at issues objectively. I think the system has it flaws such as two legislators with one of them being appointed by other legislator. I feel that wouldn’t really wouldn’t accomplish much. I think Virginia plan is decent in its own right but like any system it has its problems.

Satire Paper:We could poison alcohol

Satire Paper

Sr.English

Mrs.Bruns

February 9^th 2015

-William Townsend

Problem: Alcoholism

Solution: We could poison alcohol

The Concept :By poison you mean poison? Yes now the way I imagine it, is that after you drink a beer containing the poison, you will get sick and be fine. The second and third time about same results but the fourth time you will get really sick and have to go the hospital. You will hopefully recover from that. Now the fifth time, will be the final nail in the coffin. What's time span you ask well.... Two weeks.  This will help the economically as people die there will be more jobs, meaning sober younger people can take over the ranks. This would also help with overpopulation because masses of people will die.  You were going to die from alcoholism  anyway. So let's speed up the process.

How:  we will need to get every alcohol/ beer Company involved with project Poison Snake. We will need a Virus what follows the “rules” above and we will hopefully create something controllable  and very lethal.  It only take a short amount of time, for people to figure out what’s happening and Alcohol sales will drop and world will be much better place.

After: Imagine where college kids pass, Drunk drivers don’t exist and think of billions of brain cells lost every day, we got rid of all the alcohol, Crime will drop 40%.*

*40% of all crime is alcohol related.

Utopia: I must ask you is it so crazy for thirty six million people die for the greater good of the world these people are 125% more likely to commit heinous crimes and put innocent at lives at risk.

ME?: So how does affect me any shape or form, well it doesn't. I am below drinking age and have no attention of even really drinking anytime soon.

Frequently asked Question and Answers

Isn’t this in morale to kill people?

Its there choice to drink.

Why is fight towards alcohol instead…. Cigarettes

One paper at a time.

Prohibition didn’t work how will this?

Were are eliminating the problem at its source instead of its branch.

How you going to get support to pass this?

THIS PAPER OF COURSE!

5 Drink seems to low?

Lifes hard….get used to it.